My friend OS-tan
by TotaruMihochi
Summary: A new girl appears near the Hakurei Shrine! Typical story so far? Typical story so far. Except this time, even Yukari herself has no idea how did Windows Xp end up in Gensokyo, nor why is the girl's Border of Life broken in half.


**... ... ... Chapter 1 ****... ... ... The Newcomer ... ... ... **

It was a lazy afternoon at the Hakurei Shrine. Afternoon in the sort of all those lazy afternoons, when nothing interesting at all was happening.

Marisa Kirisame grinned at the cards she held in her hand. With evil smirk, she placed a green 'Draw Two' card on the small table inside of the shrine.

"Uno", smugly declared the Oridinary Magician.

Reimu Hakurei eyed the card on the table with a small frown. She reached her hand to the deck, much to the witch's glee. As soon as she touched the top card, through, she made a little gasp of mock-suprise and threw a red 'Draw Two' card on top of the green one. She turned to smile at Marisa.

"Uno", smugly replied the Red White Miko of the Paradise.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwww!", yelled Suika Ibuki so loud, it made Marisa's ears ring. Suika was a tiny oni girl with blonde hair and two horns sticking out from her head. "Poor Marisa thought she would block Rei-rei! But Rei-rei ain't that ezzy to block, ain't she?"

Marisa glared at the little oni in front of her. "T'is just means you get to draw four cards, Suika. Seein' no reason for ya to be happy, ze."

"Haha, nope!", smiled the Tiny Night Parade of a Hundred Demons, Suika Ibuki. She reached into the huge amount of cards she had collected throught the game and tossed two on the table: a blue and yellow variations of 'Draw Two'.

Which meant, Yukari had to take eight cards. Marisa couldn't be gladlier to see that. Ever since the game had began, Yukari kept messing Marisa's life up! Everytime the cards on the table favored the black and white clothed witch, the Phantasm of Gensokyo would just change the color or force Marisa to use some other card combination that would fuck up her future tactics. It was almost like she saw through her cards, or something!

And finally, the mysteriously smiling youkai of borders was screwed. She had only one card, and now she will have nine, while Marisa herself was on her last one. And all that was thanks to no one else but Suika Ibuki, one of her best friends. Wasn't that just great example of irony that-

Yukari looked at Marisa with a pleasant smile. She put the only card she held in her hand on top of the pile on the table.

It was a green 'Draw Two' card.

And there were no more cards in Yukari's deck. Which meant that she won.

Again.

The Hakurei Shrine coated itself in a thick layer of silience.

Much to Marisa's anger, Yukai managed to gap herself out of the shrine just in time to avoid a rainbow colored Master Spark.

"Cheater, ze!", angry witch launched herself on her feet and screamed towards the hole in the shrine's wall. "Fuck you and your fucking cheats! Fuck you, fuck your family, fuck everything you have ever loved and FUCK YO-!"

Angry black and white gurgled in suprise when Suika covered Marisa's mouth with her palm. Marisa staggered back in awkward shock.

"Shhh," murmured the oni. "She just messin' with you. Let your anger go."

Marisa struggled to free herself from Suika's grip, but it was useless effort. Oni were known for their extreme strength for a reason. And Suika just happened to be one of the stronger onis in Gensokyo.

"Why'd'you think she sat right next to you? Jus'to anger you, obviously."

In addition, Suika's breath stank of sake. Like all oni, Suika loved drinking. And the fact that she was in possession of a sake gourd that produced sake by itself meant she could always get as drunk as she liked.

"It's all jus'ta memory now." The little oni pushed her gourd into Marisa's hands. "Just drink and forget 'bout the past," she advised and removed her hand from witch's mouth.

Without second thoughts, Marisa uncorked the gourd and took a heavy gulp of alcohol contained within.

... ... ...

Reimu sighed heavily.

"Thanks, Suika", she said to the little oni. "She is always hard to calm down after Yukari pisses her off. And it is really hard for me to repair my shrine every time she goes into a rampage."

Suika marched back to the table and lied down. "No probs, Rei-rei. I too don't like it when people are gettin' mad." She let out a low growl. "But still, Yukkuri cheated again. She has no shame at all."

Reimu giggled. "She sure has none." The red and white miko stared off into the hole. "But still, I wonder how did she manage to pull out Marisa's card from under other cards without me noticing. Am I getting sloppy?..."

"Nah," Suika waved her hands. "She jus' used her gaps, like always. I swear, she is freaking overpow-"

A loud thud echoed from within the shrine. Reimu's eyes shot in the direction of the commotion, only to find Marisa lying on the floor. Soon after, a loud snoring broke the silence.

Reimu's mouth curved itself into a slight smile. Suika shook her head. "She sucks at drinkin', lemme tell yah," the little oni pointed out.

"That she does, indeed," agreed the miko. And then another thud echoed from outside of the shrine. The two girls looked at each other.

Reimu carefully raised herself to her feet and walked over to the huge hole Marisa had made.

On the grass near the Hakurei Shrine, there was a girl lying on her back with closed eyes and limbs spread in all possible directions. She had long, black hair and was dressed in a white blouse with blue buttons and very short, blue skirt. On the left side of her face, was tied a single, white ribbon. Reimu had no idea how did the girl manage to tie it so it looked like letters 'XP'. Probably some new weird fashion from the Outside.

Because there was no denying that girl came from the Outside. Reimu sighed. Damn that Yukari, why couldn't she keep her gaps in the Gensokyo where they belonged?!

The girl stirred. With a low groan, she reached over towards her head. Her face looked young - she couldn't have more than fifteen years of age. Reimu sighed once more. Great. One more blue-eyed kid to the collection.

"Owww, ow ow ow...", muttered the girl and raised herself on her arms, massaging the back of her head, only to collapse back onto the ground moment later.

Reimu turned back to look at intrigued Suika. "We have a visitor," she called. "Maybe she will donate if we help kindly. Stay here while I do the talking, and maybe give Marisa some blanket or something, allright? Oh, and bring me a futon, while we're at the subject. We may need it."

Suika shot her a thumb-up. "Sure thing, Rei-rei!", she yelled in a tone that surely was heard by the girl outside.

... ... ...

Ow, my head...

Blue.

Everything was...

Blue.

Something chirped behind her. Wind rustled leaves somewhere.

Wind?... Leaves?...

And then, slowly, a white, blurred cloud moved through the endless sea of blue.

With a snap of intuition, the girl realized that said endless sea of blue was in fact the sky.

She slowly raised herself on her elbows.

A massive jolt of pain erupted from the back of her head.

"Owww, ow ow ow...", said the girl as she reached over to ease the migraine.

The girl stared at her surroundings. She was apparently lying on the grass. To her left, there was a huge, red tori. The girl frowned. So that meant she was lying on some shrine grounds. If memory served correctly, people would always consider lying on the ground in public to be a sign of lacks in personal culture.

The girl tried to crawl away somewhere where lying would not be frowned upon, but she found that she was too weak to move her legs. What's more, her left palm felt... strange. She probably have damaged it as a result of falling to the ground.

With a small jolt of panic, the girl realized that she had no idea what could cause her to be lying on some shrine's grounds, with damaged hand and throbbing head. How did she even get here? What in the hells happened?!

And who is that girl in red and white miko suit?

"Easy, easy," said the Red White, crouching beside her. Two arms curled around the lying girl. The girl opened her mouth to question the strange chain of events that had led to her being this miserable, but the miko interrupted her.

"Hush, hush", she said, picking the girl up onto her arms and carefully turning back whence she came from. "Let me lay you inside, then you get to ask whatever you want."

Fair enough, the girl thought.

And then, she fell asleep.

... ... ...

"How's she?", asked Suika as soon as Reimu came back inside.

"Blacked out. I hope she wakes up soon."

Suika gave Reimu a thoughtful nod, for the lack of anything to say.

After a silent moment, Reimu coughed. "So, um, where is that futon? You did bring it, didn't you?"

Ah, thought Suika. So that was the thing I forgot about. The oni snapped a salute.

"Sorry, Rei-rei, I forgot! Lemme fetch it real quick!"

Reimu looked like she was about to facepalm, but her hands were still occupied by the unconscious girl in her arms. "Go," she groaned. "Just go and bring it."

As quick as she could, the tiny oni ran to the storeroom deeper in the shrine, localized the spare futon Reimu insisted on having someplace near Yukari's favorite dropping point and ran back to the miko. With a kick, she moved the table they had played cards on earlier and laid the futon in it's place.

Reimu frowned. "You could have just put the futon next to the table. Now someone's gotta clean up the cards," she pointed out calmly as she laid the girl down and covered her with blanket.

The threat of extermination from the shrine was not outright stated, obviously, but the oni still knew it was there.

"Sorry, Rei-rei!," yelled Suika apologetically, again saluting. She unplucked a handful of hair from her head and threw it at the ground.

As soon as each bit of her hair touched the ground, it turned into a miniature Suika, which then ran to the nearest card on the floor, picked it up and laid it down. In no time, all cards were sitting in a neat pile on the floor. As soon as the last card joined the pile, all mini Suikas crumbled away into dust.

In the meantime, Reimu brought a glass of water and a napkin. She soaked the material with half of cup's contents and gently wiped the unconscious girl's forehead.

... ... ...

Ow, my head...

Black.

Everything was...

Black.

Strange... I could have sworn it was supposed to be blue.

Something wet and cold gently brushed itself against her forehead. The girl didn't know what it was, but it didn't matter. As long as it eased the pain, she would gladly accept ... it. Whatever that 'it' was supposed to be.

The girl tried to open her eyes. Everything around her was swimming, rotating, spinning, increasing her migraine...

The girl closed her eyes and let out a pained moan.

"She's waking up," someone from beside her said. The air started smelling... strange.

"Give her some breathing room, Suika!,"yelled someone else. "Geez, she is not oni like you, she doesn't heal faster when drunk!"

The girl let out a pained hiss.

"Too... loud...", she whispered, hoping that whoever heard her would feel ashamed.

No luck.

"Woah!", yelled someone. "She speaks!"

"Yeah, and she told you to shut up!", yelled back someone else. "Can't you respect her priv-"

"Too... much... noise...", whispered the girl again.

A moment of silience. Thank gods, they finally have stopped-

"Go out, Suika. You are too loud."

"To hells with you, Rei-rei! I ain't no lou-"

"Why won't you two freaking SHUT UP!?", roared the girl, her eyes suddenly snapping open to glare at the arguing duo.

A sudden jolt of pain rocked the girl's head.

"...ow...", she hissed. Shouldn't have done that, definitely shouldn't have done that...

The wetness on her forehead came back to calm the fiery storm inside her head. The girl moaned and carefully opened her eyes. Above her, two females were crouched. One of them she recognized as the miko who carried her inside, while the other... had blonde hair and... were those... horns?...

"Easy, easy...", whispered the miko. She pointed at herself. "My name is Reimu Hakurei," she said. Then she pointed at the horned girl and continued. "And she is Suika Ibuki. We will take care of you, miss..."

A moment of silience.

The girl realized she would have to say her name out loud. She groaned mentally. Her stupid, stupid name...

"My name," the girl rasped in a harsh whisper, "is... Xp Windows..."

Reimu stared at Suika. Suika stared back at Reimu. Then they both stared at the girl between them.

"Xp...", began Reimu.

"Windows?", finished Suika.

"I know... it sounds... sill...y...", muttered the girl and once more the world was consumed by the blackness.

... ... ...

Reimu covered her face in her hands.

Xp Windows. Gods, her parents had serious problems. First name exotic and impossible to say, last name boring and easy to pronounce. Pity she got such a devastating combination; her face was so pretty, she probably had many boys hitting on her and then running away from her as soon as she introduced herself.

Still, the name did confirm that she was from the Outside. She will probably want to go back, but with such name, won't it just be the worst thing to happen?

Reimu cringed when she imagined a headline of Outside newspaper saying proudly 'The big comeback of Xp Windows'. Good gods, naming their children with such a name should be considered a cardinal sin.

The miko snapped out of her mental rantings and was just about to say something along the lines of 'I truly am sorry for your loss', but then she realized that Xp fainted again. Probably due to the strain she put herself through with that little outburst of her.

Reimu put her hand on the sleeping girl's forehead. It was hot, but not 'Hell Melts Down' hot. A simple cold compress should be enough.

Reimu put the napkin inside the glass and let it absorb as much water as it could. That done, she folded it into a small rectangle and placed it on the poor girl's forehead. Then she quickly scanned Xp's body, looking for anything that might have been broken from the fall. She did thump quite loudly on the ground, after all.

Xp's left palm caught her attention. Reimu was no medic, but she recognized broken limb when she saw one. Oftentimes it was her who had to carry Marisa Kirisame to Eintei to get her patched up, after the witch tried some super dangerous stunt with her broom, or when she accidentally mixed up two types of mushrooms that exploded in contact with each other...

With a groan, Reimu realized that she would also have to take care of the drunk witch. Gods, she truly had forgotten about her.

"So, um," suddenly asked Suika from behind Reimu's back. "Will she be alright?"

"She just has a slight fever," the miko said as she turned back, "and I think she broke a hand, through I'm not entirely sure. I can't really check myself, so I think I'm going to fetch someone from Eintei to look at her. In the meantime," Reimu pointed at the sleeping Marisa, "you can put her back to her house. It's bad enough that you snore, I don't need Marisa joining the karaoke club tonight."

Suika made a face. "Eintei? That backwater clinic on the other side of the frikkin' Gensokyo? Come on, Rei-rei, it's like two hours worth of top-speed flight! Not even mentioning the way back here! Besides," the little oni crossed her arms smugly, "you wouldn't dare leavin' me alone with your shrine for more than a hour, would ya? Or do I really need to remind you of the Party Night Incident, huh?"

Truth be told, Reimu didn't need reminding of that ... event. Even now, a full year after that ... event, Hakurei Shrine's donation box smelled like tuna, despite being washed more times than necessary. The ugly smell was effectively scaring away what little donations she had had.

Still, Xp's hand could well be broken and if that was true, only someone from Eintei would be able to patch her up. That's what Eirin Yagakoro's job was, after all; healing those who didn't respawn when killed. And even through some of those people Yukari had gapped into Gensokyo turned out to be youkai in human disguise, Reimu was sure that this new girl was mortal.

As soon as Reimu took off towards the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, Suika hurriedly blocked her path. "Hey, what 'bout the hole?!," she yelled and pointed at Marisa's Master Spark side effect. A small, blue bird flew inside the shrine, as if to emphasize the dramatic effect the hole made.

Reimu sighed and shoved the little oni out of her way. "I'll just bug Yukari about that tommorow. For now, Eintei."

Suika once again stood in miko's way. "But t'was Marisa who done the hole, not Yukkuri!"

Reimu rolled her eyes and flew above oni's head. "Marisa wouldn't blast the shrine," she pointed out, "if not for Yukari's trolling. Plus Yukari still owes me five hundred yen for yesterday."

Suika watched as the Shrine Maiden of Paradise took her flying stance and shot away in the direction of Eintei. Truth be told, Reimu was much faster than Suika thought her to be. Might be because when she and Reimu flew together, Suika had always been drunk, and Reimu had always tried her best to match her companion's speed.

Shrugging, the little oni marched towards snoring Marisa Kirisame. She hefted the Ordinary Magician above her horned head, careful to not impale her friend by accident. Then, turning towards the hole in the wall that got more traffic just today than Hakurei Shrine's front gate had in a week, she threw her comrade in the general direction of the Forest of Magic.

That done, Suika turned back and reached for her gourd of sake. It was nowhere to be found.

Obviously, Reimu stole it when she flew away. So, no drinking tonight. Suika sighed.

The Tiny Night Parade of a Hundred Demons lied down where she stood and started snoring.

... ... ...

Surrounded by purple eyes, Yukari laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Then her giggles slowly dimmed down. Then, looking at the infinite sea of eyes inhabiting the Borderlands, she once more reminded herself of the look on Marisa's face when she used her own card to cheat her victory, and the laughter started again.

That was ten minutes ago, the Phantasm of Gensokyo reminded herself. Just go back and pretend nothing happened.

That will anger Marisa more than anything in the world.

With one last giggle, Yukari balanced her Border of Tragedy and Comedy. The look on Marisa's face was now just that: a look.

Taking a steadying breath, Yukari opened a gap inside of the Hakurei Shrine and fell through it, just as she always did.

Inside the demolished living quarters of the shrine, Yukari saw a hole in the wall, turned table and sleeping Suika. Looks like Marisa ran away already, same as Reimu...

Strange... Reimu would never leave the shrine alone with Suika, unless something big happened...

Yukari was about to march towards the lying oni, but her feet collided with something soft. Yukari looked down, not sure what she should expect. Perhaps sleeping miko, or maybe even sleeping witch, if luck was on Yukari's side today.

Unfortunately, it was not Marisa.

Nor was it Reimu.

Nor was it anyone Yukari knew. Below her, an unknown girl was lying; from above Reimu's blanket, protruded a femine head with long, black hair where tied was a white ribbon, shaped to look like letters 'XP'. Her rather flat chest was not moving, indicating that she was not breathing. Yukari frowned. Reimu was not the type that would lend her futon to a dead body...

Yukari bent over and poked the girl with her right thumb. The contact with the girl's skin allowed her to check her border of Life and Death. As Yukari expected, the girl was dead.

Not 'Freshly Dead' dead. More like 'Week Old Dead' dead.

And just when the Phantasm of Gensokyo was about to rip a gap below the dead body and call it a dinner time, the corpse girl opened her blue eyes.

The duo continued to stare at each other in silence.

"Who are you?," demanded the apparently-not-so-dead girl.

Keeping the surprise from her face, Yukari leaned a bit closer and examined the quasi zombie from closer distance. Yup, she thought. Definitely not someone I know. And definitely not alive.

"Who are you?!," again asked the girl, her voice visibly shaking from alarm and her eyes darting around the surroundings in panic. A large sweatdrop lazily sailed down her forehead.

"L-look, I have no idea what do you w-want!," squealed the corpse. "Just leave me al-"

"Who," said as calmly as possible Yukari, mimicking the girl's tone, "are you?" She gently scratched the panicked face.

The girl was now breathing in sharp gasps. "M-me?!"

Yukari applied just a tiny bit of pressure on her finger and stopped as soon as she felt the skin cave under her nail. A small stream of blood appeared on girl's otherwise pretty face. So the blood was still circulating through her veins. Which meant the girl's heart still kept beating... But if so, why was her Border of Life so...

...shattered?...

"Who," continued Yukari, modifying her voice to make it sound just like the tone girl used before. "Are. You?"

"M-my name is-is Xp Windows, now g-get off!," all but screamed the girl. Yukari's brow rose. Such a strange name...

Yet nothing appeared in the Phantasm of Gensokyo's mind in connection with it. No memory of Yukari spying on the girl, no unique abilities, no dramatic backstory, no lost relatives, absolutely no reason for this girl to be in Gensokyo. Yukari thought for a moment that Xp was just someone she gapped years ago and just forgot about, but then she realized that one could not simply forget such a strange combination of words. Yes, definitely Yukari and Xp were meeting for the first time.

As Yukari faded away to the Borderlands, she couldn't help but wonder...

Who on Earth was that girl? Why did she die? How did she keep living?

And who on Earth could have granted Xp Windows the access to Gensokyo?

**... ... ...**

**A Touhou fanfic involving OC who is also OS-tan of Windows Xp! Yey!**

**I decided to start this thingy mainly because week ago Microsoft decided to stop supporting Windows Xp. And I so happen to use Windows Xp right now. Which means, fak u Microsoft. Also don't be afraid of me throwing this story away, I'll just update like once in a lifetime, that's all.**

**I plan to make this fic into something that has super tense moments, but comical moments as well. I plan to make the readers moved to tears from both sorrow and glee. I want to make you happy, dear Reader; But I also want to make you sad; I want to make you laugh with me and cover in fear from me. I WANT YOU TO BE A COOKIE LOST FOREVER INSIDE THE GREAT BLENDER OF okay this is turning a bit too creepy now.**

**Also wow, I'm only ten words short of having a 4k words in the first chapt- oh, nevermind, actually.**


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